Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Pants are for mortals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
