I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
