Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
