ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need moral support for this bender
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
