Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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