its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
