i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
