I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
