dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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