GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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