Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are we still banned from the library?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
