So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
