my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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