i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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