once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She even gives head with a lisp.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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