Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
