ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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