from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
