Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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