then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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