How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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