Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
