dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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