it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
