Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
