Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
