Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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