I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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