You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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