there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He better not be in your backpack
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
