is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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