Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
