Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
