Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
