thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
