What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
