do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
