I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
