shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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