she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
