I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
