I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
