I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
