So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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