Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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