i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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