I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
