Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
