Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
