I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
