If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
