It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize