She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
