I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize