I'm really into asian looking animals
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
