I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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