Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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