your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
