do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
