i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
