do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
