I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
