So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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