is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Who put my cat in the fridge?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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