I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
operation have a gay friend backfired
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize