birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
