Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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