I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize