your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm always down for nudity.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
