I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
