i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
