Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
